This post has been sitting in the drafts for the longest time and I didn’t know whether I should publish it or not. Yet I thought the issue of wanting or not to have children is, in our time and age, more pertinent than ever.
Even though we are only 26, now that Ray and I are married, people are starting to mention babies, forgetting that nowadays it isn’t uncommon for people to start considering having children when they are 30 or older AND forgetting that not every couple on planet earth wants to procreate. There, I said it. A while back, Justine said to me “there will come a time, sooner or later, in your life, when you will hear yourself say “I need to have children” “
Her comment really struck me…
Even though I believed what she said was true, I could not picture myself uttering these words: The concept of motherhood does not appeal to me at all. Over the years I have studied myself well enough to know that it would be too much for me to handle. Some girls say they are not ready yet, some say they need to save some more, some say they want to wait a few years, some say they’re waiting to have a bigger house. I say none of these things. Don’t get me wrong, the idea of creating a little Raymond makes my heart swell (notice my unwillingness to have a little me) but both my head and my heart say no to children and yes to freedom and sanity. Ray and I are best friends and soul mates and we have too much fun together. Also, I find the idea of loving your child more than your spouse unbearable. It is so sad. And thankfully, Ray feels the same way.
Maybe some people are not meant to have children? Is this even biologically possible?
A few weeks back, my girlfriends and I were also chatting about motherhood. We are all 26 and + and are all as reluctant. Yay! I am not weird: Times are changing, that’s all. When my mom had me she was 23. Which means that she had a little 3 years old Camille running around when she was my age.
Some days, I can’t even handle myself so how on earth could I possibly handle another
child human being who is totally relying on me and my (yet) non-existent motherly instincts? I chatted with my mom about it and she said that this supposedly instinctual nurturing behaviour does eventually arise once you give birth and bond with your baby but I have my own take on the subject.
I have personally witnessed things while being an au pair that were beyond shocking. Bottom line is: Not every woman can be a good mom. Being a mom, sure, that’s relatively easy, but being a good one is definitely not instinctual or natural and I think it takes a special kind of woman to achieve such greatness.
Some of my favorite bloggers are mothers with toddlers (you can and should check their blogs here, here, here and here) I find all their stories and photos absolutely fascinating yet they revolve mostly around life with young children! But when I close the window I think to myself: “This is all so beautiful! My hat off to these women. I leave it to them”
Finally, I just wanted to share this fantastic article called “Would you ever decide NOT to have a baby” that I really loved reading. here